Remember Gratefulness.

Today I am grateful for my humidifier, my son, my husband, and the jeans I am wearing.
My son is grateful for mini boxes of raisins.
My husband is grateful for his new glasses.

We didn't lose power. And for that I am over-archingly grateful.

As the old year wanes and the dawn of the new year rapidly approaches, my brain scrambles to find all the things I need to do to start the New Year off right.

I will be confident! I will improve! I will do longer yoga!! I will never lose my temper.

I find it unlikely that I will effortlessly achieve any of these. However, the one thing I think I really need to do is to breathe in gratitude each day. Stop, breathe, and remember gratefulness. Maybe once an hour on the hour until it becomes habit.

When the skin you are in becomes uncomfortable like too-tight or too-rough clothing, breathing gratitude can work wonders.

Monday morning gratefulness

I am grateful today for possibility and options and potential. I may not have it all in the bag, but it's all out there for me to work towards. The key will be not letting fear stop me.

Today I am grateful

Today I am grateful for my funny, quirky, fascinating, imaginitive, infuriating 5 year old boy.

Today I will remember to be grateful.

Some of us have more challenges than others when it comes to being grateful and even optimistic. I think it's borne of wrong thinking and insecurity, and rears it's ugly head as narcissism, pessimism, egoism, and entitlement.

Last night when I was in the bath with my small child, I tickled his tummy. He then tried to tickle mine and I shrank away. He asked me why I wouldn't let him tickle me. My fear of being repulsive with my middle aged imperfections made me afraid to let him touch me. I apologized to him and said I didn't want him to tickle me because my tummy wasn't beautiful. He stared at me surprised then said "You are beautiful. You are as beautiful as a human being. Your tummy is beautiful because it's just right for tickling. Your eyes are beautiful because they can look a me with love hearts in them. Why did you say you are not beautiful?"

And today I am grateful for my small child for an infinite number of things, but among them, reminding me to look with the eyes of my heart instead of the eyes of my ego.

I'd always thought it was called 'gratitude'.

Sometimes I am so hellbent on self-destruction that I make bad choices and take down those around me without even thinking about it. Sometimes I just destroy myself, and dissolve, explode, fracture, rupture, obliterate, or annihilate most of the good things my hard work has brought me to. Perhaps it's a lack of self-conviction. Perhaps it's a lack of self-worth. The bottom line is not why I get in my own way and act like such an ass-hat, but rather what to do about it. This: gratitude.

When I remember to be grateful on a daily basis, I rarely lose my way. Recently, on the tail end of a weekend in which I once again was less than the person I know I can be, my husband showed me a Ted talk by a benedictine monk about 'gratefulness' as he put it. When he said 'gratefulness' my brain pinged 'gratitude', but as a placeholder in my brain to that weekend where I, like a smoker throwing away the last pack of cigarettes she'll ever buy, I choose the word 'gratefulness' to remind me constantly to live up to the person I know I can be.

Petty, cowardly, resentful, entitled, angry, insecure, unconfident, weak ... these are all things I have chosen to leave behind. I choose to be mindful. I choose to be grateful.
 
And: here is that thing with that monk:
http://on.ted.com/gratefulness